Quite some time ago, I read a book by Sheldon B. Kopp called "If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him".   The title shouldn't be taken too literally. The book is about the knowledge that resides within us as opposed to external sources, The "Buddha" could be the self help guru, the therapist, the clergyman, your next-door neighbor, or anyone giving advice about how to live or behave.

      I've thought about this a long time because it has often occurred to me that the folks most likely to give advice about how to live are often the ones least qualified.

      And, what could be more irritating than someone who expounds his philosophy, or gives advice when all we really want is a little sympathy.

      I feel sometimes that the mark of anyone who actually had achieved spiritual enlightenment would be not mentioning it and just setting a good example by how they live. Or, maybe, just giving people hugs.       We are surrounded by "experts" --- people who are convinced that they have the correct take on how others should behave. They extort, manipulate, and hypnotize.

      It is very easy to minimize someone else's problems and offer our own solutions. But, this may have the potential to make the other fellow feel sorry about bringing them up in the first place. And, we are most likely putting what the other person says into the context of our own life. We relate to the other fellow's problems as if they shared with us the same goals and purposes and held the same assumptions about the world.

      When people ask specific questions, they want answers. When they share what's troubling them, they want understanding.

      We need to communicate respect for each person's ability to find their own answers --- even if we don't agree with the answers which they find. When we can achieve this we are perceived as someone safe to be with and we measure up to the following definition of a friend.